Friday, February 16, 2007

A bookkeeper's wail

Dear Mago,
It’s been a while since you last made an entry in your diary. Believe me, I have no intention of “guilt tripping” you. Rather, all I mean to say is: I miss you, and oh how I miss a dialogue with someone who cares not only about me, but about what’s going on in the world. You are a reminder – in your as absence perhaps more than in your presence – of my greatest longing.
Believe me, I’m sympathetic to any problems you have in finding time to keep up on the world and reflect. Having worked overtime myself this Friday evening, I'm pooped. Fortunately, tonight I also have time to look through your poetry to give me some solace. I’m sure that many of us who feel overworked and inadequate can relate to your rhyming wail from the 1940s:

A Bookkeeper's Wail

To find that damn dime
I would stand on my head
Until weary and worn
And my face very red
I would scale Mount McKinley
And would swim Golden Gate
I'd paint the town red
Until scandalously late
I'd pick someone's pocket
With such expert technique
Old Fagan would look
Like an amateur sneak
I'd even go begging
Palm up on skid row
And quaverlingly whisper
"Kind brother some dough"
I'd face those stern auditors
Bold as could be
Sans butterfly stomach
Or shivering knee
But to "lose face" with Christopher
I simply can't do
Nor honestly think that you'd want me to
Be met at the door
And be forced to say "nay"
When eagerly asked
"Did you balance today"
So please do not fugit
So rapidly time
With a little more leeway
I'll find the damn dime.


With love from us both this Friday night

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's Day

Dear Mago,
You and I both grew up celebrating Valentine's Day. To warm the hearts of others was every young girl's wish. But hardly to be the Queen of Hearts.
According to Lewis Carroll, the patent remark of the Queen of Hearts about anyone whom she found offensive was: “Off with their heads”. Everyone in Wonderland feared her though her wishes were rarely their command.
Long before Lewis Carroll, to be exact in the year 280 AD, the head of Saint Valentine was ordered to be cut off. According to the legend, just before his death he performed a miracle by restoring sight and hearing to the daughter of the one who held him captive.
Perhaps it might ease some hearts to know what the deaf and blind daughter thought and felt before she could see and hear, as it might hurt some to learn what she heard and saw after her senses had been restored. Or vice versa? Does no one ever go to Wonderland anymore?

Monday, February 12, 2007

The war Queen and the postwar Princess

Dear Mago,
Just yesterday I saw a movie about Queen Elizabeth II of England, called the “Queen”. I think it fits in here, because it gives me another mirror upon which I can reflect over a generation of women who – like Aunt Ginny and mom – experienced World War II as young adults. I saw the "Queen" as a reflection on the generation that gave birth to all of us baby bing bang boom boom boomers. I saw it also as a reflection on the authority of a woman predestined to promote the interests of a nation, a monarchy, a nuclear family, a religion – at the expense perhaps of personal creativity. I saw it also as a statement about any woman past her prime – beyond sexuality – who wakes up one morning to find that her identity is suddenly no longer valid.
The war is over, the war is over, the war is over. I’m listening to Steve Reich, “Different trains”. From New York to Los Angeles, from New York, to New York, New York. We're on different trains of thought: a roller coaster and a boxcar, sometimes overlapping one another, sometimes looping. Been, being, and will be all at once taken for a ride on different trains. Catholic or Jew, monarch or commoner, prince or princess, writer or wronger? By the way, the prince and princess are divorced now, and the Queen's grandchildren divide their time from coast to coast between their parents. Traveling takes time.
The aged monarch is not accustomed to being ignored, much less being hated, the way she is now. Ever since the mother of her great grandchildren - named after the mythological goddess of the hunt - was suddenly stalked and killed in a car accident, she has been accused. Will the baby boom boom boomers, the upbeat generation and their global toddlers, force her to relinquish all her power now, by diverting the attention of the world to the postwar horrors of innocent children, tripping on still buried land mines... all gone, all gone, all gone, on one of the fastest trains, fastest trains.
It’s also about a Queen mother in her 90s who has survived herself. Her views are at best a woof of humor. We are as amused as she is aghast to find out that plans for her funeral have been usurped to facilitate the unexpected and untimely death of a goddess. I hear different tracks, different places, different times.
I hear too that the integrity of the human being - Queen, King or commoner – can be restored by repetition and mimicry, as we enter the next phase. As we move to the natural rhythms and progressions, ups and downs, through the various phases of life, our lives are cut, spliced and wiped out with the tools that we use to deal with grief.
Perhaps the lace handkerchief that mom left behind, and that Babcia kept for decades, holds a secret. The lost child may never return home...

Friday, February 9, 2007

Entre les duex guerres

Friday night
February 9, 2007

Dear Mago,
On January 27, 1942 you wondered what you talked about before the war.
In February 1993, when I was on a visit to Berlin, I wrote about my impressions of the time before the war, between the wars, from my new European perspective:

Dada, Bauhaus and Surrealism
temporarily elevated Europe
from the pain of the pinch
between the wars
by sublimating dirt
from the trenches,
common household dust
from the folds and cracks
of torn old maps, paper,
paint, ink, wood, sand,
cement and canvas
into fragments of intuition,
dreams and materials
on another level.

I wonder if you can relate to my fantasies, then and now, now and then?
You say that you have received word that your daughter Virginia is coming home from Pearl Harbor, but that she doesn't know when. Jungfrun i pärlornas hamn kommer hem, men hon vet inte när. Then, when she comes home, you say that you will begin to live again. February 1942? February 2007?: wanted dead or alive. Perhaps you can relate to my mention of the lace handkerchief (Feb 07/ 07) that Anne used to sublimate her grief.

Love,
your devoted granddaughter
ps. I have another blog with seemingly independent reflections at http://us-in-scan-din-avia.blogspot.com/ as well as http://lookout1941-42.blogspot.com/ds.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

February 6, 1942

Friday night
February 6, 1942
I do have a most dreadful time keeping up with the task I have assigned to myself – this task of keeping up with this horrible war and tying in a few of the daily happenings around the old homestead.
Another letter from my baby and what a joy! To have her rattle on more like her old self. They must have settled down a little more to normal existence since last she wrote. She's coming home! But she doesn't know when – but soon. Then I'll really begin to live again. I don't dare think about it. I did hope, however, that she and Bert could come home together. It would be so much nicer for them, but I keep forgetting, this is war. I do hope she gets into some kind of work immediately so the time will pass so much more quickly for her and the waiting for Bert's return won't seem so endless. They have gone through so many vicissitudes in their brief marriage that it breaks my heart to think of them being separated for even a short time. But I'm sure they both have the right sort of courage – they have proved that already – and things are bound to adjust themselves soon.
Am making a little sweater for Stephen for a Valentine gift. It's all finished except for one sleeve and I hope to make that tomorrow. I'm going to tie it up with a lollipop and all sorts of silly things.
It's been quite rainy for several days and there's been quite a gale blowing. The constant downpour has caused the Napa River to overflow its banks and three homes up at Mount Davidson toppled down the hill. Pops and I were just remarking a few Sundays ago about the precarious position of some of the houses perched upon the hills.
The country is still laughing about the "Bundles for Congressmen" even to the point of some of the people donating a slightly used onion, a glass eye and Sally Rand offers "her last stitch."
"Eleanor" has stuck her neck out good and plenty as a high up in the Office of Civilian Defense. She was raked over the coals in fine fashion in Congress today and I don't know but that there may be some justification for a portion of the adverse criticism. However, the green God of envy and jealousy is such a wretched creature that creeps out in so many places, it's pretty hard to tell just what is the true situation.
Dorothea was out Wednesday night and she was so keyed up I thought she was going to blow a fuse. Evidently she's pretty nervous and tired. She's at the stage now where she'd like to "bolt" if she had the money. Maxine's fiancé is getting on her nerves, I think, because he hasn't enough money to suit the requirements. I'm afraid somebody is riding for a fall.
Ressa was here last night. We had a very pleasant evening, as usual, and of course the was "proed and corned?" as no news commentators ever did.

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Like the lace handkerchief

Saturday. February 3, 2007

Dear Mago,
Monday is Babcia's, my Swedish mother’s, birthday. She's turning 92. We’ll celebrate tomorrow at Sunday mass, followed by a breaking of bread and a toast with champagne at home. Babcia doesn’t long for birthday cake these days (if ever), but more for family attention and peace. I, on the other hand - who can still seek solace in puerile dreams - find myself looking forward to a big piece of “princesstårta”, justifying my appetite as requisite fuel for next week's work, for an abiding need to support myself.

Babcia is just about the same age now as you were when I last saw you in Los Altos. I’ve told her that I am publishing your diary from the war years, but I don’t think she’s interested. Having come to Sweden from a concentration camp in Poland, on a Red Cross bus, she has her own relationship to World War II. She does, however, ask about mom’s health (yes, your dear daughter-in-law Anne is now in her 91st year). It seems that people with whom we share firsthand memories, especially of our own generation, take natural precedence over others. Maybe that's why Babcia once washed and ironed the lace handkerchief that Anne left on her visit to Sweden in the early 1970s, safekept it and returned it to her in the US several decades later. This seems hardly to be another symptom of postwar coquetry or dalliance, but quite the contrary: of consideration, perhaps for unexpressed grief. But what do I know? We call these nonagenarian grannies who, like the iron curtain, separate your generation from mine, our "iron ladies" - hotheaded and hard, stubborn and vociferous, flat and simple, backward as they can be thoughtful.

Since computers are not a part of Babcia’s generation, our “iron ladies” remain innocently unaware of the virtues and vices of modern technology. Or do they? While informing about plans for her last birthday, mother Anne suddenly said: “I don’t mean to interrupt you darling, but what is a blog?” Apparently satisfied by my answer, she simply responded: “Thank you dear, I knew you could explain.” Hallelujah! A vote of confidence! Perhaps I can be called on to witness, in the ultimate court of conscience, and bridge times past and present.

If so, let it be known that I've always enjoyed your jingles, like the rhymes on personal gifts - knowing that they are not intended for the world. I notice too that the word “faithful” appears in the opening sentence of both of your last entries. Last week you feared that you wouldn’t be very faithful to your diary. Today, less than a week later, you are already prepared to confirm your fears. Is this deliberate evidence of a typical female tendency to be self-effacing? Perhaps you are expressing a legitimate fear - of a lack of time for reflection. I have to admit that I need at least a week in between your entries to reflect and comment on them. Babcia's birthday isn't until Monday and already I'm preparing. Distance, time and space, are prerequisites for reflection. And sometimes I wonder if faithfulness – like a lace handkerchief left somewhere behind – is quickly finding itself at home in an obsolete world.
Love,
your granddaughter

Friday, February 2, 2007

February 2, 1942

February 2, 1942
Monday evening
I don't seem to be very faithful in making these entries and keeping track of affairs and this war as much as I'd like. It keeps me pretty busy writing to the children and doing all the things I have to do to keep the wheels moving.
Haven't had any letter from Virginia except the one since the Pearl Harbor tragedy. It does seems as though some mail should filter through e'er this.
Ressa came over last Saturday evening and we had a very enjoyable time together, as usual. We always promise each other - most solemnly – that we won't speak of the war – but we aren't together two minutes until we're off – allee samee Whirlaway. (I'm sure he couldn't make better time than we.) Ressa is always refreshing and we always have a few good laughs, although there isn't quite so much to laugh about now as there was a few years ago.
She was thrilled when I told her about our "little Captain" and our "big Captain" too. It's such a pleasure to tell her something that you think is particularly good news, for she rejoices with you and you know she's really happy for you – not like Betty B. who says "Is he" in a dead pan voice when told Kreigh was now a Captain instead of saying (like most folks do) "Well, that's lovely", and "Aren't you proud?" I'm glad I'm not jealous like that. I think that sort of person must miss a lot of fun in life.
Yesterday we drove down to Redwood City to see Anne's mother. It was raining, but I didn't mind. The hills looked so beautiful and green it was a real feast for the eyes. There have been so many changes down the peninsula of late. All of the old estates are being subdivided and new tracts are springing up all over. Moderately priced homes are taking the places of the mansions and, while they may not be so substantial in their construction, they're most attractive – and so cozy and sweet within – all of the newest modern conveniences. I had visions of my own darling children having the kind of homes they wanted down the peninsula – or over in Marin Co. – but this war! I wonder when it will ever end!
From the way things are going now, I'm afraid they will not get worse before they get better. It's going to take some little time before our production end of it is going to get in full swing. And to think that the cream of our manhood has to suffer because of that cruel paranoia and his miserable "utensils" (as Winston Churchill dubbed them.)
I'm so worried about Kreigh. I don't know when or where he may be moved. Now that Stephen is here it would be such a pity if he had to leave the country. He'll make such a sweet father. He'll give generously of himself and material things – but wisely – I'm sure.

Some of the highlights of the news:
US fleet swashes Jap island bases near Wake in a surprise attack by planes and war ships take a terrific toll. Navy and air stations are blasted. American losses are small. This is first Yankee bombing of Nippon territory.
Corrgidor wipes out an invasion fleet; drive is foiled before it is even started. General MacArthur is certainly doing a magnificent job. I see in the paper tonight that another ship was in yesterday bringing three hundred more evacuees. One woman said "The writer who talked about the beautiful climate and scenery. Forgot to mention mosquitoes" That sounds very much like my darling Ginny who calls the mosquitos in the islands B19 no less.
Perhaps I'll get a letter tomorrow. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.